Recently I wrote an article for my student newspaper about homophobia. Below are a list of my sources – the first is a study conducted in 1996 correlating homophobia with homosexual arousal in straight men, the second is an article sighting statistics from a recent (2009) survey of over 6,000 students.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=2&sqi=2&ved=0CB0QFjAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Ffiles%2Fu47%2FHenry_et_al.pdf&rct=j&q=is%20homophobia%20associated%20with%20homosexual%20arousal&ei=QOqtTN7-M8X_nAe1s_ygBg&usg=AFQjCNHmFLG8n9XqGXtSmXz9OS7MATLMug&cad=rja

http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2462.html

actual survey:  http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=4&ved=0CCQQFjAD&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wsd1.org%2Fgrantpark%2Fclubs%2Fgsa%2Fresources%2FSchool%2520Climate%2520Survey.pdf&rct=j&q=Joseph%20Kosciw%20GLESN%20findings%20pdf&ei=ruqtTK2fIsufnAflh-X8BQ&usg=AFQjCNFTPhsM62M8LpdeCCaCJFsMS-ra7w

Religion:

Question of logic, is God a bigot?

This article, by Jen Laskey, lists oyesters, chocolate, red wine, ginseng, chili peppers, avacados, asparagus, strawberries, and honey as traditional aphrodisiacs. Interestingly the article reveals that many of of these items are high in anti-oxidents.

Here is an experimental aphrodisiac, based on Laskey’s article; I give you “The Passionate Heart.”

Ingredients:

Strawberries, honey, 1/2lb semi-sweet (or dark) molding chocolate, cocoa powder, chili or chipotle powder, white wine, your lover

To a small bowl of honey add just enough wine to it that the wine can be tasted, but the honey does not loose too much of it’s thickness – set in fridge to chill.

Scalp the strawberries and scoop out a little hollow inside. Save the tops of the strawberries!

In a microwave-safe bowl, microwave a handful of chocolate for 15-30. Be sure to actually take the chocolate out and stirr it for a few seconds because when the chocolate is right at the melting point it may still hold its shape, or the edges might be melty a bit and the stirring will distribute the heat evenly and finish the melting. With chocolate better safe than sorry; if it appears to need a little more heat, pop it in for 10 seconds and check again.

Once your chocolate is stirrable, beging adding in the chili or chipotle powder (to taste). If the chocolate starts to cool and get stiff, pop it back in the microwave for 5-1o seconds.

Now you can go two different directions from here – the “Hard Heart” or the “Soft Heart.”

“The Soft Heart.”

Retrieve the honey/wine mix from the fridge and scoop dollops (God, I hate that word) into the hollows of the strawberries, replacing the cap. (optional) you can use the chocolate to attempt to secure the top back on the strawberry.

Roll the bottom of the strawberry in the chocolate/chili mix. Once the strawberry is dipped in the chocolate, dip it into a small bowl of cocoa powder.

Use immediately or place in fridge.

“The Hard Heart”

Scoop dollops of the chocolate/chili mix into the hollow of the strawberry, instead of the honey/wine mix.  Set in fridge to set.

Once the strawberries have set, take out and dip into the honey/wine mix and share!

of ice

carved by chainsaws

icy faced friends, foes and strangers engraving every miserable wrinkle with lumberjack precision

but together, you and I

take them off

anxious darting eyes swimming out in the open waters

fearing the chainsaws will come and find our faces

bare and warm

we hide in bed, pulling the covers over our heads

the world can’t find us

There

no chainsaws to shape our faces, just warm gentle fingers

tracing each other

our bodies braille

trying to discover what’s inside

When our minds begin to fixate on material things (or even abstract things) is when the trouble starts.

The danger of sensuality is believing that happiness is “out there” somewhere; that happiness relies on things that cannot and do not last. We want to be happy and we believe that happiness comes from sense pleasures (or worse when we despair we take pleasure as a substitute). We want the pleasure to last forever so we pretend it will, or we live in denial about the impermanence of things. We fight to acquire things, we fight to keep things, all of us are helpless when things eventually fall apart.

There is also an element of self involved in sensuality. “I” like this, that’s “my” rare, exotic, beautiful car, a lot of our self-definition is dependent on our likes, dislikes, and our possessions. Abandoning a sensual based mentality challenges our self-definition. Without likes, dislikes, beliefs, views, objects, what is left, but our nameless, faceless presence? Craving for a self, sensual things may prove so tempting to our luminous awareness. But, getting lost in our fabricated selves, we lose sight of our immortal, divine, true nature.

The rich architecture of places of worship, as well as holy garments, alters, ritual paraphernalia, paintings and stained glass windows all reveal that sensuality can be used to entice the senses to focus back on something greater than our passing forms, if the state of mind is right.

In one state of mind a magnificent sunset allows us to reach out into infinity, to feel the grand majesty of creation (because we are open to that within ourselves). In a different state of mind the flesh tones may only excite lustful imaginings (perhaps if that mind is too preoccupied with short-term gratification to be open to more long-term possibilities). State of mind is everything. The world around us, and our sense of it, becomes our mirror.

When we settle for pleasure, or allow it to distract us from or entice us to abandon to the truth or the true causes of happiness, is when we begin to loose our way. Like Narcissus we loose perspective, and mistake the reflection for the master.

Onan was the second son of Judah, patriarch of one of the tribes of Israel. Onan’s elder brother was slain by God for being “wicked,” though there is no explaination about how or why. Onan’s elder brother left behind a wife, and his unfulfilled duty to produce an heir to carry on the line. In accord with tribal law, Judah told Onan to marry his sister-in-law and produce an heir for his brother (Onan’s son would become his brother’s son). Allegedly, Onan would make love to his brother’s wife, but “spill” his seed on the ground instead of “offering it up” to his brother, meaning he would have sex with her, but ejaculate on the ground (called coitus interruptus – not masturbation). For disobeying, Onan was slain (by God according to the text).

Onan (and possibly his sister-in-law) was raped, obligated, coerced (under fear of death) to have sex against his will, by his father and allegedly his God, no less. His brother had just been slain for being “wicked,” is it reasonable to think Onan wasn’t worried about not doing as he was ordered? Was he being foolish, or was he torn between the terrifying prospect of being murdered and staying true to the heart and soul God put within him?

One account claims Onan refused to impregnate the wife of his dead brother, because his son would be forfeited, becoming his brother’s. His own son would be taken from him. Not only was he being raped, Onan was being used like a farm stud, for mating. The situation is completely degrading and dehumanizing.

Spilt seed aside, it is proven the pre-ejaculatory fluid that leaks from a man’s penis during intercourse has viable sperm in it. Was it really necessary Onan go all the way? Just one of these prolific cells is all it takes to produce a pregnancy; God couldn’t see fit to make sure one of them made it? Between science and divine intervention, completing intercourse wasn’t necessary to produce and heir, unless it was just a divine power trip, or the will of ignorant mortal men.

And since God is all knowing, how did mortals find out Onan was spilling seed? Men have been passing on the juicy details of Onan’s sin for thousands of years, unless they were peeping in, who told? The only one other than God and Onan that would have known would have been Onan’s sister-in-law. It’s logical she would snitch; back in the day, before science cleared things up, men believed women were responsible for giving babies and deciding gender. Wouldn’t it make sense that, fearing for her own life, after the slaying of her husband (by whomever), she told on Onan – or worse, made it up, just to save herself from possible execution or being thought wicked for not being able to get pregnant? Isn’t it possible Onan was being a good little boy, sexing his sister-in-law, but it wasn’t working so she said he was pulling out? It’s possible.

Also, why did God slay Onan’s brother before an heir was produced? God just went through all the trouble of freeing the tribes of Israel; why would God take action that would jeopardize the line of one of the tribes? Was God worried about the heir being born of a wicked father? If so, why? God’s responsible for the soul that goes into a being and Judah is surely a God-fearing man and would not allow the child to be raise wickedly (especially if we know Judah is alright taking a son away from his father, as it would have been with Onan if an heir had been produced). So, was God worried that the son would be of the flesh of the father and that the wickedness would be passed on through the blood and flesh? If so, maybe there’s room for biology and genetics in the bible after all…

The bible doesn’t say how Onan was slain, but typically, people don’t just drop dead; the judeo-christian tradition is filled with “acts of God” that are, in fact, just the ego of misguided men and women. I doubt Onan was struck down by the same God that “gave his only son” to free the world of its sins. I say he was murdered by his God-fearing father, for refusing to be raped.

Like Onan’s spilt seed, the specifics have been swallowed by the sands of time; much of the story is left vague preventing an informed, intelligent and free thinking analysis. The picture is painted in black and white, and tightly cropped from only one perspective: obey.

While foreplay helps transition partners to a different pace and mental space, once there, just like decorating a room, the partners must decide what is allowed into this sacred space or not.

Small talk can really distract from the moment, as can discussing concerns or troubles. It may be preferable to set aside time specifically for these issues so they are still honored and addressed, but leaves love-making time open for passionate connection.

Partners may address boundaries for love making before hand or after, of extremely briefly during “can we talk about this later?”

Deciding what should be left outside of loving-making can be important to make the most of this special time together. Once in the habit of leaving things that bring the moment down “oustide” the mind may easily let go of tensions or troubles and allow partners to get lost in the moment.

Communication is critical in any form of relationship (without it there is no relationship) especially in sexual relations. Sometimes though people might find using words cumbersome – such as asking permission to kiss someone or touching them some how; it can be seen as unpassionate. Sometimes “pushing the envelope” can preserve the mood.

Leaning in to kiss someone makes your intent clear. A hand wandering closer and closer to a body part should make clear. Moving slowly and carefully step by step gives your partner time to decide if they are okay with where you’re headed and gives them time to communicate boundaries, either with words or moving themselves or you out of the way.

But; if any sort of “no” signal is perceived in anyway, spoken or unspoken what ever is being done must be stopped. Immediately. If it is truly unclear if your partner is okay with what is going on, it is imperitive to use words to clarify if it is okay to procede. In no way should “pushing the envelope” be used to take advantage of someone. If your partner is saying they are okay with it, but your gut is telling you that they are not okay with it, move onto something else; this protects yourself and your partner.

Trust is crucial.

The primary purpose of this blog will be to supplement my sex column “Adult Content.” Also, to give readers a place to respond and give mature feedback and suggestions.

You may also find some of my graphics or art.

Have fun and enjoy!